white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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