Will you blow on my dice?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
