You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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