when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
