Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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