Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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