i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
