I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
