How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
