HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
