Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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