I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
