Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
