dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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