Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
