The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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