Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
