he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
