Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I need moral support for this bender
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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