Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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