I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
