I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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