Porn is love you can see.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
