dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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