I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
