Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
