All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
honey bunches of taint.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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