you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
