While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
