My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
