And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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