dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
