I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
