This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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