so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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