Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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