Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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