saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
