you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
