just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
