I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she peed on how many people?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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