I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
