i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
