Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
