Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm passing your future prison.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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