i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
