my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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