I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize