I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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