Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
