I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
