tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
