Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
