just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
