Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
