Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
