either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'd cum for enchiladas.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
