dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
