i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
