the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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