No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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