So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
