I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize