Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
