Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Is it because I queefed?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
