If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
