totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
