2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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