Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
