I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
