FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
