now i know why i became what i already was.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
