How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
