Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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