well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
