Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
