I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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