This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize