dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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