Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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