no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
