9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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