I showed him my bush... on skype.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
