After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
