he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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