I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
