I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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