saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize