Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
