Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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