i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
